The Voice of Truth

By in Personal Reflections 10 Comments

A Good Song

Chad and Asher had just left for church when I started to do the dishes last night. I didn’t go because I was feeling sick, like usual. I usually like to listen to music while doing this, so I went to youtube and found the song, “Voice of Truth,” by Casting Crowns. I have heard this song many times before, but as I was listening to the chorus, still washing dishes, I literally began to weep.

“And the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid. The voice of truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”

The part I began to weep on was the part I bolded, “The voice of truth says this is for my glory.” I just couldn’t get that out of my head. I thought to myself, if every struggle, every trial, every difficulty we ever go through is for HIS glory, doesn’t that make it all worth it? Easy? Absolutely not. But worth it? Absolutely yes. I pictured my struggles bringing Him glory and I just couldn’t stop crying. Let me say that again, my struggles, your struggles, bring Him glory.

Discouragement

I’ll share a little about why this was such a huge impact on me last night. These past few weeks have been very difficult for me. I have been extremely sick with this pregnancy, unable to really do much of anything. I have felt more discouraged and defeated in the past month than I ever remember feeling. I have felt like a horrible mother for letting Asher sit in front of the tv while I lay on the couch, unable to hardly move. I have felt like a horrible wife for not being able to clean, cook, or even make the bed each day. I feel completely disconnected from the ministry, rarely going to church and not visiting the mothers at the hospital. And I hate it when I have to make a trip to the bathroom to throw up, locking the door behind me, only to have Asher screaming and banging on the door for mommy to come out. He knows what I do in there and he gets very concerned about me, always asking, “What’s wrong honey?”

Why?

So yes, it’s been a difficult month. Don’t get me wrong. I am beyond the moon excited for this baby; and nothing amazes me more than the miracle that is the creation of a baby. I know many women would give anything to feel sick if it meant they could carry a child themselves. My heart breaks for them. Which is why I am very thankful that God chose to bless us with a second child. I also know that God teaches us lessons throughout our lives, many times through a trial. And why does He do this? Because He loves us and wants whats best for us. But also because it is all for His glory. And knowing this, knowing that my God is glorified through my struggles makes it all worth it.

 

Church Makes Me Sad

By in Personal Reflections, Stories from Honduras 4 Comments

Church Makes Me Sad

I usually stand at the back of church on Sunday morning so I can say Hi and shake hands with the people as they come. I see a lot standing there.

This Sunday there was one young girl sitting on the steps below me sobbing. I know this girl. She is 18 and living with her boyfriend and making bad decisions. It is hard to blame her though when you know the trauma she has been through. A little later she was sitting outside by herself so I went and sat by her and asked her what was wrong. She is living in her boyfriend’s house but hasn’t seen him for a couple days. He doesn’t call and won’t answer her calls. She is worried. What if he found someone else? What if she throws her out? Where will she go? I asked how her relationship with God is. She said she isn’t really following Him because there isn’t a church close to where she lives. I told her we love her and if she needs something she can come to us. But I’m not sure what I can do.

There was another guy at church. He is married with a 2 year old son and his wife is 9 months pregnant. He is in his 20′s and for work he sells cell phone accessories in the street. He doesn’t make enough money for his family to live on and is worried. He can’t read because he only went to school through 2nd grade. Despite the struggles in his life, there are few people I have ever seen who worship the Lord so genuinely. When he is worshipping he is all in.

I sat and talked with another young man I know. He has the biggest servant’s heart of anyone I have ever met. He is always smiling and always helping someone. He is married and him and his wife live on less than $300 a month. The house they live in gets broken in to all the time. Anything they had of value has been broken or stolen. They need to move but can’t afford to.

The stories go on and on. And last Sunday as I sat there looking out over the congregation with many of their stories playing through my head, I got very sad. I was sad because I want to do more to help them. Some of them need training and discipleship. Some of them just need a little money. Some need a place to live. But I don’t have the time or the money to help them all. There is only so much I can do.

Hope

Then I read this verse from 1 Kings 8:56 this morning:

“Blessed be the Lord who has given rest to his people Israel, according to all that he promised. Not one word has failed of all his good promise, which he spoke by Moses his servant.”

It gives me hope. The people of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. Then they entered the promised land but still had battles to fight to rid the land of their enemies. But after it was done, those who remained faithful to the Lord got to enjoy his promises. Every one. Not one word of the Lord failed. And I believe the same is true today. On the other side of every season of difficulty and trial there is a season of blessing. And that blessing is from the Lord, not from me.

I wish I could do more. In the coming years I hope I am able to do more. But ultimately I know the responsibility rests on the Lord. These are His people just as I am His servant. He has promised blessing to those who remain faithful.