A Good Song
Chad and Asher had just left for church when I started to do the dishes last night. I didn’t go because I was feeling sick, like usual. I usually like to listen to music while doing this, so I went to youtube and found the song, “Voice of Truth,” by Casting Crowns. I have heard this song many times before, but as I was listening to the chorus, still washing dishes, I literally began to weep.
“And the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid. The voice of truth says this is for my glory. Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.”
The part I began to weep on was the part I bolded, “The voice of truth says this is for my glory.” I just couldn’t get that out of my head. I thought to myself, if every struggle, every trial, every difficulty we ever go through is for HIS glory, doesn’t that make it all worth it? Easy? Absolutely not. But worth it? Absolutely yes. I pictured my struggles bringing Him glory and I just couldn’t stop crying. Let me say that again, my struggles, your struggles, bring Him glory.
I’ll share a little about why this was such a huge impact on me last night. These past few weeks have been very difficult for me. I have been extremely sick with this pregnancy, unable to really do much of anything. I have felt more discouraged and defeated in the past month than I ever remember feeling. I have felt like a horrible mother for letting Asher sit in front of the tv while I lay on the couch, unable to hardly move. I have felt like a horrible wife for not being able to clean, cook, or even make the bed each day. I feel completely disconnected from the ministry, rarely going to church and not visiting the mothers at the hospital. And I hate it when I have to make a trip to the bathroom to throw up, locking the door behind me, only to have Asher screaming and banging on the door for mommy to come out. He knows what I do in there and he gets very concerned about me, always asking, “What’s wrong honey?”
So yes, it’s been a difficult month. Don’t get me wrong. I am beyond the moon excited for this baby; and nothing amazes me more than the miracle that is the creation of a baby. I know many women would give anything to feel sick if it meant they could carry a child themselves. My heart breaks for them. Which is why I am very thankful that God chose to bless us with a second child. I also know that God teaches us lessons throughout our lives, many times through a trial. And why does He do this? Because He loves us and wants whats best for us. But also because it is all for His glory. And knowing this, knowing that my God is glorified through my struggles makes it all worth it.