I usually stand at the back of church on Sunday morning so I can say Hi and shake hands with the people as they come. I see a lot standing there.

This Sunday there was one young girl sitting on the steps below me sobbing. I know this girl. She is 18 and living with her boyfriend and making bad decisions. It is hard to blame her though when you know the trauma she has been through. A little later she was sitting outside by herself so I went and sat by her and asked her what was wrong. She is living in her boyfriend’s house but hasn’t seen him for a couple days. He doesn’t call and won’t answer her calls. She is worried. What if he found someone else? What if she throws her out? Where will she go? I asked how her relationship with God is. She said she isn’t really following Him because there isn’t a church close to where she lives. I told her we love her and if she needs something she can come to us. But I’m not sure what I can do.

There was another guy at church. He is married with a 2 year old son and his wife is 9 months pregnant. He is in his 20′s and for work he sells cell phone accessories in the street. He doesn’t make enough money for his family to live on and is worried. He can’t read because he only went to school through 2nd grade. Despite the struggles in his life, there are few people I have ever seen who worship the Lord so genuinely. When he is worshipping he is all in.

I sat and talked with another young man I know. He has the biggest servant’s heart of anyone I have ever met. He is always smiling and always helping someone. He is married and him and his wife live on less than $300 a month. The house they live in gets broken in to all the time. Anything they had of value has been broken or stolen. They need to move but can’t afford to.

The stories go on and on. And last Sunday as I sat there looking out over the congregation with many of their stories playing through my head, I got very sad. I was sad because I want to do more to help them. Some of them need training and discipleship. Some of them just need a little money. Some need a place to live. But I don’t have the time or the money to help them all. There is only so much I can do.

Hope

Then I read this verse from 1 Kings 8:56 this morning:

“Blessed be the Lord who has given rest to his people Israel, according to all that he promised. Not one word has failed of all his good promise, which he spoke by Moses his servant.”

It gives me hope. The people of Israel wandered in the wilderness for 40 years. Then they entered the promised land but still had battles to fight to rid the land of their enemies. But after it was done, those who remained faithful to the Lord got to enjoy his promises. Every one. Not one word of the Lord failed. And I believe the same is true today. On the other side of every season of difficulty and trial there is a season of blessing. And that blessing is from the Lord, not from me.

I wish I could do more. In the coming years I hope I am able to do more. But ultimately I know the responsibility rests on the Lord. These are His people just as I am His servant. He has promised blessing to those who remain faithful.

Friday Alvin and I stopped at Casa Alianza (Covenant House) to see about picking up our foster daughter Osny. It has been some time since she has spent the weekend with us. For those of you who don’t know, Osny used to live in our girls home but for various reasons is now living at Casa Alianza and spending the weekends at our house. When we walked in we met the director of Casa Alianza. She said she wanted to meet with us about Osny. After waiting 20 minutes finally the director and a psychologist were ready to meet and took us back to her office.

For the next hour and a half they explained the situation with Osny. That is, after Alvin told them Osny’s story. Interesting that they knew nothing of her story or why she was there. NOTHING! They didn’t know she had been raped by her father and four other men. They didn’t know she had been abducted or that she had a nervous breakdown. They didn’t even know where her home town is or that her mom is dead or that her dad lives in the US. You would think the psychologist who has been meeting with her would have some clue.

After Alvin enlightened them, the psychologist began enlightening us. She told us that Osny has been very depressed and has said things about killing herself. So they are concerned she is suicidal. The psychologist has also diagnosed her as bi-polar and has prescribed her medication. However, Osny says she is not crazy and does not want to take the medication. They seem to think that when she has taken the medication she was better. But because she won’t take the medication and they are afraid she is suicidal they are considering committing her to a local psychiatric ward. Not out of concern for Osny but to protect themselves. If she were to commit suicide they don’t want to be responsible – that is exactly what they said: they don’t want to be responsible.

The director also went on to tell us that they were not going to allow her to leave on weekends to be with us anymore. She said that the rules state that the children can only leave with family members and since we are not family they will no longer let her leave to be with us. Alvin explained that her mom is dead, her dad (who raped her) lives in the United States, and her grandma lives in La Ceiba, 6 hours away. But that didn’t matter, we are not family and that is the rules. Again, they explained that it was to cover their own liability – and ours but I’m pretty sure they don’t care about our liability.

In a futile effort, Alvin continued to explain that our goal is to help Osny and to provide her things she needs like clothing etc. Often times in Honduras you can get your way if you are offering to relieve someone of their responsibility. The attitude it, “If you are going to do it and I don’t have to, then go ahead!” But this didn’t work either. Instead this was their answer, “We can provide her with everything she needs here. The only thing we can’t give her is affection.” They can’t provide affection. No wonder she is depressed. She has lived a life absent of affection, it is one thing she craves. Oh how my heart breaks over this.

Alvin and I were on our motorcycles so after we left the meeting we pulled over on the street a block away to talk about what was said. Just as we pulled over, there was Osny walking up the street. As soon as she saw us her face lit up and she ran to us giving both of us huge hugs. She was all smiles until Alvin started explaining to her what happened at the meeting we had just been in. She began to cry when she heard she couldn’t come with us on the weekends anymore. Alvin assured her we haven’t given up and encouraged her to have patience. She was sad but seemed strengthened by his encouragement.

Honestly, I don’t know what the future holds for Osny. We haven’t given up on her but for now there is not much we can do. She is in their custody and so what they say goes. Here in Honduras rules have a tendency to be strict one week and then relaxed the next. So we will see. Our hearts break for her. We know God is in control and so we continue to pray for his protection and grace over her.

This past week we had a team of girls from our home church here to work in our ministry. A couple of times during the week we visited the girl’s juvenile detention center. The first time we went Trina and Asher came but the second time it didn’t work for them to come. Every time I go there without Trina many of the girls ask about her. They want to know where she is, why she didn’t come, and when she is coming next. This time was no different.

One of the girls in the detention center is named Keidy (pronounced like “Katy”) and she is one that Trina has grown especially fond of.  She asked me how Trina was doing and then asked if she could write Trina a note. Knowing Trina would be thrilled to get a note from her I told her, “Yes of course you can!” So she ran off and came back a few minutes later with this note folded up for me to give to Trina.

Here is a translation:

For: Trina who is very special to me

From: Keidy who loves her a lot

Hello, the reason I am writing is that I want you to know I like you a lot and I hope you are in good health and are happy to be with your baby. I miss you. May the Lord bless you and keep you and that you are well.

Often Trina questions her value. She wonders if she is useful or if she is making a difference. But then this 15-year-old girl who was convicted of robbery and attempted murder makes a special point to tell her how much Trina means to her. I’m reminded of the old country song by Sammy Kershaw called She Don’t Know She’s Beautiful:

She don’t know she’s beautiful (never crossed her mind)
She don’t know she’s beautiful (no she’s not that kind)
She don’t know she’s beautiful
Though time and time I’ve told her so

I’m so proud of Trina and the work she does in the ministry. She doesn’t think of herself as a leader, yet she leads. She doesn’t think she is useful, yet she makes and impact. She doesn’t think of herself as an example to follow, yet so many look up to her. She don’t know she’s beautiful, though time and time I’ve told her so.

Recently I had the privilege of experiencing the corruption here first hand. Alvin and I along with Pastor Ramone, who is the pastor of our congregation in the village outside of the city, were headed to check on the progress of feeding center #3. This feeding center will also be the place Pastor Ramone’s congregation will be meeting. Right now they meet in various homes around the village.

Police Checkpoint

Just as we were leaving Tegucigalpa we came to a police checkpoint. These are very common and I have been pulled over many times in the few months we have been here. It is always a nerve wracking experience since the police here are all corrupt; you never know how they might try and cause you problems. So far I’ve been pretty lucky and only had one cop that was nasty to me. Most of the time they just look at my registration and license and send me on my way. Not today…

This cop was looking to make some money and was intent on finding something for which he could threaten to give me a ticket. This is what they do. They threaten you with a ticket for a violation and then wait for you to offer them some money, which they gladly accept and send you on your way. As Christians we have a policy in our ministry not to contribute to the corruption. We gladly accept whatever ticket they are offering. This cop checked everything on my vehicle. He checked my license, my registration, he checked to see that I had two triangles and a fire extinguisher (which are required here in Honduras) and then he checked to see if I had a spare tire. Well my spare tire has recently been stolen. And that is where he had me. We explained to him that it had been stolen; however, he had no sympathy and said it was a violation and I was getting a ticket. I accepted that and told him I would be happy to pay the fine.

Alvin and I went into the police station with the cop (the checkpoints are always outside the roadside police stations) where he proceeded to write my name on the ticket. Then he looked up and with no shame told us that he would let us go if we made a contribution to the police station. Alvin told him that we are happy to contribute to the police station and that we do so through the church, which is true. However, we do not make those kinds of contributions personally. The cop was persistent and tried to tell us that with the contribution they would be able to buy tires for their vehicles and water for the station. In a way I feel for him, they have second rate equipment and are not paid a lot. But we still weren’t going to bribe him. Alvin explained that all three of us are pastors in the local church and then asked him how we could get on our knees before God knowing what we did. And then Alvin didn’t say anything more. For a few minutes we sat in silence while the cop’s conscience caught up with him. Slowly he lifted his head, handed me my license and registration, and sent us on our way – without a ticket.

When we left that station I was steaming mad. I told Alvin that things like this make me want to pack up and go home. Here we are pouring out everything we have to the people of Honduras and this is the thanks we get. I know we aren’t doing it for thanks and that this sort of thing is why we are here, but I still couldn’t help being angry. Alvin smiled and looked at me and said, “Chad, this is why we focus on the youth. This is why we work so hard to reach the youth of this country with the message of Jesus Christ. This is why we focus on educating them so that they will grow up differently. The chances of us changing men like this are very slim, but if we can get to the youth we have a chance at a better future.” He is right. That is why we don’t involve ourselves with politics. Real change is not going to come from the government. Real change is going to come from reaching the youth through the church.

Y0u Can Help

(following is a shameless plug for support, you can stop reading here if you want)

We could use your help in reaching the youth of Honduras. Our ministry is solely supported by individual gifts and donations. We now have an easier way to give online. To do so visit the Support page of our ministry’s website – mehonduras.com/support/ and click the big blue button. If you would like to know about specific needs we have in the ministry you can visit the Help Now page of our website – mehonduras.com/help-now/

Living in Honduras, among other things, has had me on a path of self discovery. I continue to find myself in situations, mostly uncomfortable situations, that squeeze out of me who I really am. Sometimes I don’t like what I see. Sometimes I’m surprised by how I’ve changed. Friday was one of those occasions.

At two in the afternoon I got a call from Alvin asking me if I would pick his daughter up after school. The school is only a few blocks from my house so sometimes she will come here after school until Alvin picks her up. At 2:30 I arrived at the school along with many others to pick up their kids. I found a spot off the side of the road, in front of another car, where I could park and wait. As I pulled in I wasn’t paying very close attention and I clipped the front bumper of the car I was parking in front of. I only noticed when I heard a crunching sound. When I heard it I backed up to get away from the car and then proceeded to pull in to the parking spot.

Crisis. What do I do. I knew I had damaged that car. I looked in my rear view mirror and didn’t see anyone inside the car. I looked around and there was no one else around who saw what I did. I could get away with this. All I had to do was pull out and go around the block. By the time I got back Amy (Alvin’s daughter) would probably be out waiting for me. That is what I would have done in the past. In fact, I’ve done that before, many years ago.

I sat there going over my options: making plans and figuring out how I could escape responsibility. I decided not to pull out and go around the block. The next thought was that maybe Amy would come out before the car owner. She would get in and we would simply drive away. For 10 minutes I agonized over what I was going to do. My old nature told me to run and avoid responsibility. My conscience told me to fess up no matter the consequences.

Then the worst possible thing happened – the owner of the car came out and found the damage. In my rear view mirror I saw him pick up the headlight I had broken off. He looked at it and then looked around to see who might have done it. I sat there watching him. For some reason he didn’t look at me or my car. I thought maybe he would just get in his car and drive away.

No matter how badly I wanted to avoid my responsibility I knew the right thing to do. So I got out of my car, walked up to the man and said, “I’m sorry, I hit your car. I will pay for the damages. Just tell me what you would like me to do.” I was vulnerable. I had done significant damage to his headlight and bumper. He could have tried to soak me for hundreds of dollars. But after we talked for a few minutes he said that if I pay for a new headlight he would be happy with that. He said it would cost around twenty dollars. I gave him twenty-five dollars. I said I was sorry once more and he accepted my apology. After that, Amy came out and we left.

I would like to say that there wasn’t even a question of whether or not I would do the right thing. I wish those other thoughts and temptations never even entered my mind. But they did and I felt like I was in the middle of a battle between good and evil. I’m so thankful that God has changed me and that even though I still fight my old ways he has given me victory over them. I am thankful that I did the right thing and I don’t have to live with any guilt today. And I am thankful that God was watching over me and something that could have been very costly only cost me twenty-five dollars.